What do you read before you go to sleep? The Amiga Hardware Reference Manual The Complete Works Of Shakespeare A Julia Roberts Nude Book (I WANT IT!) What was the first thing you did after buying your Amiga? Played Kick-Off. Rewrote the KickStart. Short circuitted it. How would you describe Static Bytes??? Good Bad The Best What is the sex of Jones/ex-Rednex? Male. (NOOOOOOOOO) Female. Neither. Who is it, you can see at this picture? Trix/Anarchy. Erik Ninn-Hansen Cindy Crawford. If Quackbuster/STB was to change handle, would you suggest: Jack the Ripper. Cinderella. Rasmus. How would Playboy/STB describe a 20 Kb scroll? Medium sized. Non-existing. 'Not mine'. Name your favourite Amiga program: X-Copy 8.0. BinEd v2.0. AMOS 3D. What is Norwegian? A language (??????????) A throat disease. Someone you don't wanna meet. What age does the oldest girls present at The Gathering have? 18. 12. There are no girls present. What do you think you should answer to this? This. That. There. If D-Mob were present, what wouldn't we get a lot of? Music. Sleep. Sex. What is your idea of the ultimate computer? A 50 MHz A4000 with 1.2 Gb HD and 24-bit gfx. A 100 MHz 486 EISA PC with an optical drive. A ZX81 with a 2 Kb RAM expansion and external datasette. How many dots do you see in 'Hardwired' by TSL/Crionics? 14400. 2880. 1440. Which of the following is the smallets lie? Madonna is a virgin. Playboy/STB has a brain. Otto er et naesehorn. Which of the following slogans is most true? Static Bytes - The Group in Lazy Denmark. Storm - Fucking the Rest. Crionics - There can be only one dot on-screen. What is Playboy doing right now? Writing a scroller. Writing another scroller. Writing a third... NOOO... Telling dirty jokes. Where is the town of Rom located? Italy. South Africa. Denmark. What is the difference between an Amiga? It is both much whiter. Neither one of it was made in China. Bardaf! What does the word 'LAMER' mean? An industrial revolution in the northern part of Austria. A special type of junkfood A human race with lower intelligence (closer related to the monkies) Why own a computer? I don't. Because your mother says it improves your brainpower. All the friends have got one. Who is president of the United States? Barbara Bush. No one. Margareth Thatcher. What is 'BLITTER' an abreviation for? Best Lamer In The Tax-department of the European Republic. Block Image Transferrer. Nothing. It's plain bullshit to me! Who invented the Saddam virus? Commodore Amiga Incorporated. Saddam himself. It's an alien lifeform, so no one made it. If someone offered you a 240 MB harddisk for only 100$, would you: Smack the taste from his mouth. Check if it's okay, and then maybe buy it. Buy it right away! If you recieve a letter with threats of life, do you: Go to the cops. Hide in the basement with your Amiga for 5 months. Buy loads of armour and weapons and wait for the shithead(s). What is your favorite drink? Anything containing alcohol. Pepsi Cola. Your grandma's homemade honeymilk. What is the clock frequency of a standard Amiga 500 (PAL)? 211.89 broken bisquits. 7.09 Mega-Bent. About 0.05348622244 tonedeaf footballboots. Which do you prefer? A new intro from Vixen. Fireants mixed with sliced eyeballs in monkeybrain-soup. Bardaf! What is Atari? The chief of the Cherokees in the state of Michigan, U.S.A. A Japanese meal, consisting of flamberet fyringsolie. Nothing much! Why was Static Bytes formed? ????? A combination of skills, will and hard work made it possible. There was nothing else to do! Who is your real enemy? Yourself and your likes The Russians. What enemy??? What is 'Lemmings'??? The kind of animal your mother serves for supper. The game you play the most. Annoying. What is 'Bardaf'? A global veneral decease. Weird!!! An unchallenged form of group therapy. Between when is it daytime ? 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. Both. Which diskcopy program do you use? X-Copy / D-Copy. I copy from workbench, coz the Amiga Manual says so. I made my own! 'AsmOne' is: A female Swedish model. Lame. The best assembler. What's your favorite group? Skid Row. Ocean. Static Bytes. Why are you doing this test? I don't know if I am a lamer. I don't have any games here. Because I want to see this GREAT STB production. Will you vote for or against the EC? For. Against. No. What do you think of TOP SECRET? I like adventure games. I can't read. I like Estrup's articles. What are you using your Amiga for? Playing (No! -ed) games. The diskdrive is nice and tight. Quibbling. Where did Sunjohn start his career? Silents Static Bytes Rebels Which utility do you prefer? NoChipMem ClockMem LamerTester V1.0 Who is your favourite politician? Jean-Marie Le Pen Franz Schoenhueber David Duke What is the size of the largest file on Estrup's Harddisk? 200 Kb 512 Kb 2.6 Mb Why is Lunatic called Lunatic? It's self explanatory His mother chose it for him No special reason Why is Marvel retouching a picture of Slammer? Because we told him to Because it's necessary Because Slammer begged us to How many times has The Gathering been visited by the Health Department? None, it seems They're stationed here permanently Once every hour Why can't Playboy read? He never went to school He went to Bjerringbro Landsbyskole Because he never went to High School What is your favourite boot? Svend-Bent's Virus Expander RainBoot Das Boot What percentage of girls would we like to see at this party? 0 100 Just 20 girls for Playboy and 2 for each of the rest of us Am I getting fed up of inventing new stupid questions? It seems so No, I've never been better Einstein??? NOOOOOO Which is cheapest in Norway? An Amiga 3000 A girl A beer If you got 2 hours alone with Cindy Crawford, would you: Fuck the brains out of her Have a nice chat with her Get the hell out of there, 'cause Susan Dey is waiting outside What's the newest BUGFREE version of AsmOne? V1.0 V1.02 V1.5 What's the REAL hit these days? 'James Brown Is Dead' 'Das Boot' 'Rigtige Venner' What's the strongest beer you can get in Norway? Tuborg Squash NAB Light Fjordbryg Why aren't all girls in the hall lined up at our place? We've got an appointment later Playboy bribed them in order to get them for himself They're afraid we'll be too much for them Which is the LEAST cool? Holger Lihn. Quackbuster. This (splendid) Utility. What is the idea(?) behind your existence? God was in a bad mood that day. It's our job to fuck up this planet as bad as we can. My Amiga would be lonely if I wasn't there. What is a family NOT for? Paying your bills after you have bought a lotta computer equipment. Beta-testing your latest (useless) utility Cleaning up your room What time is it? Yes, but only two pounds of meat. None of your fucking business! I should have killed Ice-T last year. Who (or what) are you? Boris Bahnhof A female coder from Horsens A paranoid mutant hero turtle. Who look more alike? Gert Petersen and Ulf Pilgaard Jason Donnovan and Steffi Graff Helmuth Kohl Who won the Gulf-War? Svend-Bents lokalradio. What war???? Iraq What do you like about the Gathering '92? Nothing. Paalaegschokolade. Everything. What is Quackbuster thinking about? One of the twelve-year-old girls. Two of the twelve-year-old girls. He isn't. Which answer should I choose? This one. No, this one! NOOOOOOO! Me, me!!!! How do you spell 'Estrup'? Eggstrup Extrup You don't! Who is not writing this question? Benny Hill's indian poodle. Mr. Bean. Dick Turpin. What is the serialnumber of the monitor to my left? 20923057255 13848838660 92746572676 Which company sells MAKRELGUF (tm)? Acme Inc. Fred Fish. Neptun Industries. The C64 is good at: Raytraced animation in 60 frames/sec. 48 channel 32 bit music. Let us know if you find anything... 'Tu es une voiture' means: The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain It's just a bunch of rubbish. That we ain't very good at french! Svend-Bent is best known for: Inventing the wheel. Being Danish. Eating 14 full-size pizzas at a time. How much time do you use at computers per day? 16 years. 1 hour. I only have time for doing my homework. What is your favorite paintprogram? Icon Paint v1.0 Noisetracker 1.3 Deluxe Paint IV It's great to play games because: I don't know how to do anything else. I don't like to think too much. I haven't got any other programes. FINAL SCORE: You scored a total of: 00 points. Which I would rank as: Fucking Lame. Fucking Lame. Swapper Level...Hm! Now we're talking! Coder Level! Danish Level Danish Coder Level!! YES... THE ULTIMATE LAMER(TESTER) IS BACK ON-SCREEN WITH A VERY SPECIAL GUEST STAR... YOU SEE HIM NOW!!! FAST INSTRUCTIONS: PRESS LMB TO BEGIN. ANSWER EACH OF THE 10 RANDOMLY SELECTED QUESTIONS, AND IN THE END YOU'LL GET YOUR RATING. EVEN SWAPPERS SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT!!! NOW FOR SOME SCANDINAVIAN TEXT: JA SAA ER VI IGJEN TIL ET LITEN PARTY HER I NORGE DET ER LITE SENT, SAA ALLE JENTERNE ER GAAT HJEM. DE VAR ELLER MYE SOTE... OG UNGE... OG YNGRE... MEN KANSKE DE KOMMER IGJEN I MORGON... HVOR TALER JEG ALTSAA DETTE SPRAAKET BRA... SOM SAEDVANLIG GRIBBER I MIN KODE... KOM SAA SVEND OG LAV EN POELSE: AT SKRIVE SCROLL.. PLAYBOY IS IN POSSESION. DENNE SCROLL IS GOING TO BE RATHER SHORT (I GUESS) I DO NOT KNOW WHY BUT THAT IS LIFE FOR YOU... ANYWAY I THINK THAT MANY OF YOU OUT THERE (ESPECIALLY QUACKBUSTER) WILL FIND THIS TESTER VERY USEFULL (IF HE CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO RUN IT!!!) NAA MEN VI SITTER JO HER PAA CRUSADERS-DEADLINE PARTYET OG HVAD ER DER SAA AT SIGE TIL DET.... CA. 617 MENNESKER OG ET PAR COMPUTERE STUVET SAMMEN I EN STOR SPORTSHAL... INDTIL NU ER DER IKKE SKET DET HELT STORE! PROTRACKER 2.1A WAS RELEASED BUT THAT WAS A MEGA FLOP. NO MAJOR IMPROVEMENTS OR BUG FIXES AND ALOT OF GURUS. WAY TO GO GUYS.... NORWAY IN GENERAL.. WELL ONE THING IS FOR SURE: IT IS F U C K I N G EXPENSIVE!!!! FURTHERMORE IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE NORWEGIANS ARE TRYING TO EXPRESS WHEN THEY OPEN THEIR MOUTHS. ANYWAY I DO NOT WANT TO WRITE A 20 KB SCROLL SO I GUESS I WILL BE OFF NOW... ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! JEPS! PLAYBOY FINALLY LEFT THE KEYS TO KVAKKEDRENGEN! SO LETS KICK IT! WE ARE SITTING AT -THE GATHERING 92- AND IT HAS BEEN QUITE DULL SO FAR! THERE ARE INCREDIBLY MANY LAMERS PRESENT (SOURCE TO THIS PROGRAM???) AND MOST OF THEM ARE NORWEGIAN! THE DANES REPRESENTED AT THIS PARTY ARE OF COURSE COOL! I AM REALLY AMAZED BY THE -HUGE- GAMEROOM HERE. THEY PROMISED US LOADSA ARCADE AND PINBALL MACHINES, BUT WHAT HAPPENED??? 1 LOUSY AND OLD ARCADE MACHINE IN A DUSTY CORNER! HMMM... WHO CARES ABOUT GAMES ANYWAY? THE BEST COMP. AT THIS PARTY IS, WITHOUT DOUBT, THE USELESS UTILITY COMPETITION! I HOPE CRUSADERS WILL RELEASE THEM ON A COMPACT, COZ ALL OF THEM ARE INCREDIBLY FUNNY! DEN DISK MAA JEG HAVE! WELL, I AM GETTING DIZZY (BUT NOT AS DIZZY AS TRIX WAS YESTERDAY), SO WHO WILL CONTINUE THIS SCROLLY? MARVEL, PERHAPS?!....... OK,SINCE I AM HOOKED ON FROGS,I JUST WANT TO SAY AS ALWAYS: THOSE WHO WANT TO S WAP GRAPHICS AND OFFCOURSE LOOOONG LETTERS,SHOULD WRITE TO ME AT THIS ADDRESS: JOACHIM BARRUM, SORLIVN 20, 1473 SKAARER, NORWAY!...OK, I THINK THAT IS EVERYTHING,SO.....BYE!.... . . PARTYGREETS MUST GO TO: JONES AND AIRWALK OF X-REDNECHS - SLAMMER AND TRIX OF ANARCHYHYHY - DINO, MR. MOUNT AND EASLEY OF THE SULT - ELWOOD OF PARAGON - JACK - A.C.E. - COKE OF CRB - MORTY OF EUROSWOOP - JOKER OF PHANTASM - LONE STARR OF SPEISEBAALS - PROGEN - RAFIQ - RICHARD - SEJENCE OF PRIMUS - LUNATIC OF SERIOUS (?) - JESPER OLSEN (FODBOLDSPILLEREN?) - LAXATIVE - HITHANSEN OF AGURK DEZIGN - CHROME OF MYRESTEN - HAWKEYE OF SNERFEK - MINIFRIEND OF ALCATRAZ (4-2,4-0 RIGHT?) - TMB DESIGNS OF NOISELESS - ZAPOTEK - THE NORDIC REPORT STAFF (THANX FOR PRINTING OUR NEWS?) - VICTOR AND DR. FULLY OF MAJIC 13 (THANX FOR THE RIDE!) - RANCOR - DE INTENSE GUTTER OG IKKE FLERE!