[Article: How to be a Llama, is six easy steps!]
Disclaimer: I'm not responsible for whatever anyone calls you if you try any of this
stuff. This is for educational purposes only.
Step One: exec default.cfg
I'm pretty sure this rebinds all the keys to where they were when you first bought
Quake 2. Just type it at the console. Make sure you turn off running and freelook.
Change your name to "Player".
Step Two: You gotta talk the Talk
Llamas don't answer the "are you in a clan?" question with "yes, I'm a clan member. And my
clan rocks!", they say "i'm a l33t klan m3mb3r! and my klan r0x!". Let's dissect this a
bit. l33t = leet = cool. You have to talk in strange gaming words, like leet. For more
words, check out the top left corner of
Planetquake's Main Page. Refresh it a few times. Anyway, notice there's no "e"
there's "3". E = 3 in the Llama's dictonary. And O = 0. And some other letters are
replaced with different letters. "S", when at the end of a word, making it plural, is made
a "Z". But, "s" as in "see" is still "see" not "zee". "C" when making the "ka" sound in a
word is not a "c" anymore, it's a "k". There's tons of other stuff, but I can't teach you
everything.
Step Three: Message Binds
"i will on j00!" "camperz sux!" and "cheaterz! you are all cheaterz!" as well as many
other obsenities that I wont post because I'm a good person (shyeah, right :)are some
messages to have bound to keys, then repeat them many, many times, whenever anyone kills
you. Even when you kill yourself. Which you should do often, by the way. Make sure you
hit it enough to block out anyone trying to tell you to shut up.
Step Four: You rule, or you have an excuse
Proabably the latter though. Anyway, unless you are at the top of the frag counts, you
have to have an excuse why you and your "mad skillz" aren't at the top of the scoreboard.
Some are (some are entries for Essobie's top excuses for losing at
RA2IO) "Stupid lag!" "The
Female taunt animation got me all excited!" "I thought I was on the other team, because
this team sux!" "Okay, I'm done eating now. Ready?" "The drunken monkey was playing for
me" "You're cheating!" and "Great Mother of Ghandi! You must be using that gamma gun!".
Come up with some of you own. (Note: Do not type gamma gun at the console, it will turn
your screen white, and I've sometimes you can't fix it) If you are winning, however
unlikely, you must gloat. I suggest stealing the
CRbot's kill messages.
They'll piss everyone off. Putting them in a nice little chat alias will make them even
more mad.
Step Five: Improve you game, the easy way
This includes making improved crosshairs, turning off textures, easier to see skins,
altered field of vision, etc. Sure, lots of people do this. Don't feel bad if you do.
But all llamas have to do this. Also, taking advantage of honorable people, is also really
wrong. Since I'm a moral person (hehehe), I can't type this stuff, because then 'd have to
live with it. But the Grand Exalted Weenie did. Check out
Cowadice
Section of Quake 2 Weenie Tatics
Site. And then do all that stuff.
Step Six: Name Changing and other mean things
I feel really bad for all the newbies who'll be traumatized by people who do this... Quake
2 will let you be any name you want. Even if there's already one on the server. So, pick
someone at the top of the frag counts, or someone famous (like me! :) and take there name.
Then do what llamas do. It'll confuse everyone on the server. It'll piss off the person
you're impersoninating. ANd if you'll a true llama, you'll give your twin a bad name. By
doing things such as telling everyone that there's a secret weapon, called a gamma gun, and
if you type it at the console, you'll rule the game. Or, there's a cheat code, unbindall,
that will give you all the items, and god mode. If you didn't know already, gamma gun will
turn your screen white, and unbindall will unbind all you keys. Now I feel all icky for
telling you that. (Also, to the llama who has done that to me, YOU SUCK!) If you're
truly a llama, you'll have a nice alias set up for this. It switches you name, then tells
everyone your new weapon or cheat code.
Afterword
Llamas suck. This was done as a joke. Please, please, please stop doing anything on this
page (except for #5, that's borderline, make your own choice). If you do anything on this
page, I am not responsible. I have never done anything on this page. I collected this
stuff from other sites and personal experience. Please forget everything on this page.